the truth is, i have always kinda gotten what i wanted. i usually, seemingly, get my way. but when does it stop? it is just luck? a bit of skill? influence? i don't know. maybe i'm just delusional. probably.
but it is something i have grown accustomed to. i do things my own way. i choose to live my life bound for my own course. one thing i have learned is that if you push hard enough, eventually something has to give. and something always does. but im starting to wonder: just how many times have i been the one who gave? more than i know, i'd wager. moreso i wonder: how many times have i given into myself?
i fight a constant battle within. as do we all, i suppose. i'm sure there are those who are just too dumb to question theirselves, and those who are just too evil, but for the most part i feel most of us struggle with our own morality. and mortality. no matter how large our legacy, the size of the cities we build are, or be the monuments we build to ourselves, we all perish in the end. all of us die, and most of us are forgotten. and someday, the sun will explode and none of this will have ever mattered. unless we populate other planets, of course. and since at one time it was impossible to fly, i think it's very likely we will achieve that goal. not in my lifetime, though. at least, that would surprise me.
then again, once again, i am continually surprised by the accomplishments, and failings, of mankind. for example, i have seen skyscrapers in NYC go up in a few short months; i have also seen highway work going on for years. what the hell? how long does it take to dig, pave and paint lines? also within the past couple of years some of the most amazing jumps in technology have occured. it seems like we are consistantly accelerating along the path of achievment. but that path goes both ways, cos, well, have you fucking seen the snuggie? it's a gaytard backwards robe! anybody who buys that, or wears it, should be shot in the face. and i hope that there is a special little circle in hell for the asshole/s who invented infomercials. especially on cable. for the love of God, was the idea of cable to pay for television so that you don't get commercials? nowadays one is mearly paying for the services. but does it really have to be so intruding? there is an episode of 'Futurama' that depicts commercialse being beamed into the dreams of people. not too far fetched if you ask me! which you didn't, but i told you anyway. and walmart makes me puke. i think that is counter-productive to american society. it's like a little peek into neanderthal life. personally, i'd rahter spend the extral little bit of money and do all my shopping in seperate stores. without creatures of unknown origins roaming the aisles. my dogs have a more advanced lifestyle than some of the people i have witnessed in walmart. but i digress. i have a pizza coming. and i'm done writing for now.
- fallen jedi