Thursday, August 12, 2010

sleep and awaken

i was sleeping very soundly this morning, when i was woken up with a court notice. you see, there are these scumbags who moved in across the street. well, one moved in and his disgusting jabba the hutt looking 'girlfriend' is there all the time too. with her obnoxious red van and her disgusting face. these people are section 8's. they recieve charity care. aka the state pays for the guys apartment. it's connected to my neighbors house, a guy i have known for my entire life. they have been causing problems since the day they moved in. they called the cops on my father cos his truck was making too much noise at 5am one morning when he was going to work. well, today, about half the block got a summons. these shit bags want to build a mormon church on the property. they are suing the town and the chamber of commerce, they are suing the mayor, and now they are trying to sue me. this is exactly the kind of thing that is wrong with america. when i have a problem with somebody, i talk to them about it. usually the problem gets settled. these retards think that the world revolves around them. well, i dunno exactly what is gonna happen, but i think if you try to sue all the people on a street, and all those people ferverntly hate you, you might not do too well. in other words, it seems like the angry mob always prevails. these people are complete garbage. they have actually called the cops on the children of my neighbor (ags 5 and 7 i think) for 'trespassing' on 'their' property. funny. cos its my neighbors property, and those kids are his nephew and niece. even the cops are fed up with these losers. in fact, they had to take these cases to the county court because the municipal court wouldnt hear them anymore. total trouble makers. and it really pissed me off today. i wish this was 14th century europe. i'd show them what fun longswords are.

pissed and frazzled

-fallen jedi

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

the way

the truth is, i have always kinda gotten what i wanted. i usually, seemingly, get my way. but when does it stop? it is just luck? a bit of skill? influence? i don't know. maybe i'm just delusional. probably.

but it is something i have grown accustomed to. i do things my own way. i choose to live my life bound for my own course. one thing i have learned is that if you push hard enough, eventually something has to give. and something always does. but im starting to wonder: just how many times have i been the one who gave? more than i know, i'd wager. moreso i wonder: how many times have i given into myself?

i fight a constant battle within. as do we all, i suppose. i'm sure there are those who are just too dumb to question theirselves, and those who are just too evil, but for the most part i feel most of us struggle with our own morality. and mortality. no matter how large our legacy, the size of the cities we build are, or be the monuments we build to ourselves, we all perish in the end. all of us die, and most of us are forgotten. and someday, the sun will explode and none of this will have ever mattered. unless we populate other planets, of course. and since at one time it was impossible to fly, i think it's very likely we will achieve that goal. not in my lifetime, though. at least, that would surprise me.

then again, once again, i am continually surprised by the accomplishments, and failings, of mankind. for example, i have seen skyscrapers in NYC go up in a few short months; i have also seen highway work going on for years. what the hell? how long does it take to dig, pave and paint lines? also within the past couple of years some of the most amazing jumps in technology have occured. it seems like we are consistantly accelerating along the path of achievment. but that path goes both ways, cos, well, have you fucking seen the snuggie? it's a gaytard backwards robe! anybody who buys that, or wears it, should be shot in the face. and i hope that there is a special little circle in hell for the asshole/s who invented infomercials. especially on cable. for the love of God, was the idea of cable to pay for television so that you don't get commercials? nowadays one is mearly paying for the services. but does it really have to be so intruding? there is an episode of 'Futurama' that depicts commercialse being beamed into the dreams of people. not too far fetched if you ask me! which you didn't, but i told you anyway. and walmart makes me puke. i think that is counter-productive to american society. it's like a little peek into neanderthal life. personally, i'd rahter spend the extral little bit of money and do all my shopping in seperate stores. without creatures of unknown origins roaming the aisles. my dogs have a more advanced lifestyle than some of the people i have witnessed in walmart. but i digress. i have a pizza coming. and i'm done writing for now.

- fallen jedi

the summer of my discontent

this has by far been the worst summer of my life. unemployed, broke, and my body doesn't seem to want to drink anymore. i really havn't done shit this summer. i mean, i really have done nothing. i havn't even had a decent night out. i'm too stressed. i know, that sounds funny, and some would say i need a night out, but being anti social as i am, i just don't really want to. it's definately depressing. the early part of the 2000's was awesome. one party after another. things...well, they seem to have slowed down. i'm older, perhaps a bit wiser. people who were my best friends 10 years ago are now vanished from my life. people who were in grammer school when i graduated are now my friends. life likes to turn upside down and sideways. i've always been a relative loner. in general, i don't really like people; they have done me wrong at every turn. i don't trust people. not even myself. we all have a darkness inside of us, but at least im the type to stab one in the front. during my 29 years on this plane i have been betrayed and sold out, robbed, taken advantage of, threatend - my life and that of my family - i have seen this darkness, first hand. i attribute the little bit of dicipline i have to my two short years in the army. i certainly see that lack of dicipline in my peers. a lot of people just don't know how to deal with certain situations. myself included. i never said i was capable of doing everything. some people are much better than me at many things, but i think i have tried a lot... experience is everything. however, it's gotten to the point where my experience doesn't really mean that much. i need to find a new direction. i am very discontented right now. everything is in piss poor shape. my life is in an upheaval, and i hope for the dust to soon settle so i can try to pick up the pieces and move on. i really feel stuck right now. held back. trapped. some of the folk around me seem to excell, others seem to be in the same, sinking boat. with great white sharks and poisonous jellyfish in the water around us. times seem desperate indeed. i feel we are on the brink of a true revolution. the head-chopping-off kind of revolution. streets flowing with the blood of america, neighbor against neighbor and perhaps, if we are lucky, a zombie apocalypse looms also around the corner. because at least then things would make sense. i believe, as a whole, humanity has become far too complacent. look at me... i sit around playing videogames all day. smoking pot. and even though i'm being crushed by the pressure of being broke and bored off my Polish ass, the time passes. i can't believe how torrid this summer has been. i havn't been to any keggers, no vacation, no beach, no pools even, no nothing. i havn't even gotten properly drunk since june.  and the worst part is i don't seem to care. apathy is death, but it's easier than using all my energy on concern.

thank you for your time,

fallen jedi

Monday, August 9, 2010

blog one: it has to start somewhere.

i decided to start a blog today because i like to write and it seems logical to share an electronic edition of my life.

in this rapidly changning world, nobody seems to konw which way to look anymore. both literally and proverbially. im nearing thirty years old. i was born into the videogaming gerneration, and became an adult in the dawning of the age of information. and everyday, im baffeld by the ever increasing amount of new technology, rehashed old technology and just plain weirdness coming onto the scene. for every milestone of actual progress we, as humanity, make, we always hold true to the stupidity that we so often speak of ourselves.

people are funny, at best. we have sent unmanned spacecraft to jupiter, the moons of saturn and even pluto...more amzingly we got signifgant readings and video, furthering our knowledge of the universe exponentially. yet we still can't seem to figure out how to lose weight and clear our skin. or how to keep our spouse happy. funny. like i said.

it has been said that i am an old soul, and i feel that this could very well be so. i happen to be spiritual. very much so, in fact. i believe in the christian God, his son Jesus and his mother, Mary, as deities. i believe in her words at Fatima, when she told the little children the definate and possible future of mankind. i believe that armegeddon will happen, and i believe that it will be an epic battle between good and evil. more epic than all the wars of human history combined. and i hope that there is a 'creation of a new kingdom' when it's all over!

i disagree strongly with what is happening in america today. i disagree strongly with the policies of barak obama and his socialist agenda. i agree with the war in iraq and afghanistan. i served in the US army from 1999 -20001, i got out due to leg injuries during peacetime. but i stand with my brothers over there and at home. my town alone lost over 20 people because of the events of september 11th. i have a deep rooted, very human, thirst for revenge and justice. this is not warfare of yore. there are nuclear weapons that can go anwhere in the world, but even halfway around the world is a tremendous threat to the security of the free world. we cant wait for them to make the next move, and while i feel for the loss of the thousands of soldiers lost to this war, i hate to think of all the innocents that might be lost in another attack. do we have to wait for them to kill 3000 more people in one day?

i have a lot on my mind. i think that this blog will help me get some of it organized. hopefully over the course of the next few months i will get a comprable amount of writing done and maybe even a small following. i look forward to input from others. please note that dastardly comments will result in dastardly deeds.

thank you for your damn time.

- fallen jedi